Pain and love.
I perhaps, in the very beginning did not want to write about this for a number of reasons. Since most of the work I have addressed about love is spiritual and mental growth, but without pain growth does not occur.
Growth is a almost always a result of having gone through pain. This pain may not be very similar to a headache or a bee sting or a sprained ankle and although handling these kind of pains appropriately results in growth, but the pain I am talking about is more abstract. It can be pain of disappointment or pain of being left alone or pain of disagreement or pain of non acceptance or pain of losing people whom we love.
So how would you tackle it if you have made mistakes and those mistakes have resulted in the loss? A loss you really repent on. The pain is immense and even if you some how have learnt to bear it, off and on it keeps coming back.
With all your sincerity, apologize for every wrong you did, intentionally or unintentionally. Do not apologize with some thing else in your head. Do not apologize with a will to re-connect or get back your friend again. Just apologize for the sake of it. Be definitely committed to not repeat the wrong ones. Apologizing to just tick the activity or to just win a person back only adds to the distrust.
If your apology is accepted, start building from scratch. Do not expect a favour unless and until it is given itself: unasked. Just keep on adding to your trust account. Add small amounts of love, respect, truthfulness and support with the persons account you are dealing with. Expect no returns. Do not do anything with a hidden agenda. Just do it because you have to do it.
With all your heart forgive. There might be things that your spouse would have done. There might be words your ex would have said, but is there a better option? Just forgive. To forgive requires a huge amount of self-love. You want to transcend the pain. You want to grow out of the painful memories. You want to accept that you are stronger than the event. And that you are even more stronger than the will to revenge. You just wont avenge or revenge. Just forgive.
With all your heart forget. I once heard from a teenage girl, I shall forgive but I won’t forget. I do not know if she had picked that line from a movie or a tv serial, but this does do no good. If you have not forgotten it, perhaps it is still yet unforgiven.
And finally accept the life as it is. We make mistakes. We mishandle things. Others make mistakes. Others mishandle things. We lose people. People leave us. And people some times do not come back, no matter how much we repent or try. We have to accept this. Accepting makes life easy.
Let go. Let the butterfly of that moment fly away. Yes, it was the best moment you had in your life. It was the best part of your life but it has moved away. Know that it stayed on your palms for some time and it flew away and be thankful to God and to your love for those moments. To let go is to trust your future, unafraid with your complete heart.